The Question That Changes Everything
Have you ever truly confronted this question: What do you want for your life?
Not what your parents expect. Not what society rewards. Not what feels safe.
What do you want?
This question hit me during what I now call “the suffering”—16 months of mental torment while working in a corporate environment that was fundamentally misaligned with who I am. My brain was constantly in threat mode—anxious, medicated, and disconnected from my purpose just when my teenage twins needed me most during their final year of school.
When Your Brain Knows Before You Do
Your brain has an early warning system. Mine was firing all the alarms:
- Persistent anxiety that medication couldn’t fully touch
- The sensation of not being able to breathe when thinking about “the system”
- A fundamental knowing: “this place is not for me, and I am not for them”
This wasn’t just job dissatisfaction. This was my neural circuitry screaming that I was in the wrong environment for my brain’s wiring.
The Safety Trap
The most dangerous neural pattern? The belief that you “can’t afford” to make changes.
For months, my prefrontal cortex—the rational planning centre—kept overriding my intuition with thoughts of:
- University bills for my twins
- Existing debt
- The rising cost of living
But then a breakthrough: I was already in an unbearable situation. I had nothing to lose by contemplating change.
The Survival Strategy Experiment
While planning my exit, I designed a daily experiment: Make every interaction meaningful. Impact every person who crossed my path.
This wasn’t just positive thinking—it was strategic. By creating micro-moments of purpose within a purposeless environment, I gave my brain’s reward system enough dopamine to function while I executed my escape plan.
Reconnecting with Purpose
The truth? I always knew my purpose was therapy. My brain is wired to help others navigate their own “washing machines” of life. I had simply detoured into corporate work for 18 months—a laboratory for lessons I’d later need.
The evidence appeared as soon as I secured a contractor position with an Employee Assistance Provider:
- Clients kept returning
- They reported real change
- My confidence rebuilt with each session
- The “breakthrough moments” delivered the neurochemical cocktail of fulfillment my brain had been starving for
The Freedom Design
What was I really seeking? Not just another job—but freedom:
- Freedom from rigid hours
- Freedom from politics
- Freedom from others’ assessments of my worth
- Freedom to breathe
This wasn’t a rejection of structure, but a recognition that my brain functions optimally when aligned with my deepest values and skills.
Designing Your Future
Today, I’m building my own practice focused on adolescents, university students, and families. While it’s still developing, the clarity of purpose has transformed my mental state.
What do I want for my life? ABUNDANCE:
- Young clients ready for transformation
- Families rebuilding connection
- Financial freedom
- Time with my own family
- Travel, art, friendships, experiences
- And yes, a MINI Cooper
The Experiment Begins With You
Now I turn the question to you: What do you want for your life?
More importantly—what experiment will you design to get there?
Dr. Christine Kolbe is a South African therapist specialising in practical, science-backed approaches to mental wellness for teens and families. At The Mind Lab, we focus on empowering real transformation through strategies that help clients take control of their own lives.
